It’s a day I remember vividly. After making my “big decision,” I proudly announced to my girlfriend, and now my wife, that I was buying a big screen TV.
I was excited, but she wasn’t. Not even a little bit.
As she spoke, my impulse was slashed to pieces: “You have credit card debt, student loans, and no savings.” You can’t afford a new TV.”
As embarrassing as that moment was, it was also a wake-up call. Why? This made me realize how blind I had been about money, and how unattractive that kind of financial chaos can be.
Since then, I have seen countless other men fall victim to the same traps. So let’s talk about it. Listed below are the seven biggest financial turn-offs that women notice (and what to do instead).
1. You Have No Clue How Much Debt You Actually Have
Sadly, many people ignore their debt like a monster under the bed. But, even if you don’t see it, it’s still there.
Americans held a total of $39,075 in student loan debt in the quarter ending March 2025. This figure is based on data from the U.S. Department of Education. This doesn’t include debt from credit cards, personal loans, car loans, or “buy now, cry later” purchases.
The problem is that people who do not know how much they owe indicate that they are not serious about their financial future. When you don’t take your future seriously, how can someone trust you with theirs?
Do this instead: Take a moment to add up every dollar of your debt, and plan a realistic action to pay it back. This kind of financial self-awareness is a huge plus.
2. You Show Zero Interest in Investing — in Anything
There’s more to investing than just stocks (though that’s important as well). It’s also about your overall mindset.
How much time and money do you invest in learning? Are you a reader, a skill builder, or a person who works on their personal development? Do you invest in your physical health by exercising, sleeping, and eating better? Are you investing your money for the future?
No one wants to build a future with someone who lives in the now without a blueprint for the future.
Do this instead: Start small. For example, read a financial book. Alternatively, consider contributing $50 a month to a Roth IRA. You could even take a class or attend a workshop. All these demonstrate your belief in long-term growth to her (and to yourself).
3. You Show No Financial Restraint
Whether you like it or not, Amazon knows you better than anyone else. With one-click impulses, it’s easy to disregard what you need and buy everything you want.
The result? It always seems that money disappears from your wallet when you’re living paycheck to paycheck and constantly broke.
When it comes to money, women pay attention to how you handle it. This isn’t because they’re gold diggers. Instead, restraint is a sign of discipline, maturity, and self-respect.
Do this instead: Make a simple budget for each month. Follow the 50/30/20 rule: 50% for needs, 30% for wants, and 20% for savings or debt repayment. If you start saying no to yourself more often, your confidence (and bank account) will grow as well.
4. You’re Playing “Fake Rich”
You know who he is. A lot of the time, he’s at the bar buying drinks for people he barely knows. In addition to driving an unaffordable car, he wears designer clothes that he purchased with a credit card.
At first glance, it appears impressive. In reality, it’s all just an act. Women can see right through it.
When you look rich while you’re broke, you’re essentially catfishing. In the end, the truth comes out.
Do this instead: You should be humble. Keep it real. If you have a good bank account and drive a used car, it’s much more attractive than if you can’t afford an oil change but flex for Instagram.
5. You’re Not Generous — With Money or Time
Being generous isn’t just about tipping 20%. It’s about your attitude toward giving, whether it’s time, money, advice, or emotional support.
If you split hairs about who owes what, refuse to support causes, or duck out when someone needs help, it sends a loud message: you’re only in it for yourself.
Strictness doesn’t scream “responsible.” It screams “unavailable.”
Do this instead: Don’t be afraid to practice small acts of generosity. For instance, randomly pay for someone’s coffee. Or, leave a good tip when the service is outstanding. You could also volunteer once a month, somewhere, for someone who needs it. Try helping out at a homeless shelter, a soup kitchen, or anywhere that needs help. Whatever you choose, show her your heart isn’t just about money.
6. You Have No Financial Goals (and No Plan to Get Any)
Perhaps you’re asking, “What’s the big deal?” “I’ve got time.” This is true, but only for those who know what they’re striving for.
The issue isn’t debt alone. There are plenty of people who have loans. In the end, it matters if you have a plan. A goal. A direction.
When you say, “I’ll figure it out eventually,” or “It is what it is,” you’re being careless, not cute.
Do this instead: You should write down three financial goals. For example, in six months, you will pay off your credit card. Or, save $5,000 for an emergency fund. If possible, max out a retirement account this year. Women don’t expect you to be rich. But, they do expect you to care about them.
7. You Rely on Other People Too Much
It’s okay to seek help. The problem comes into play if you’re an adult who still relies on your parents for rent, asks friends for bailouts, or asks coworkers to cover your shift because you mismanaged your money.
Having a financial dependency like this isn’t trust-building; it breeds resentment. The last thing anyone wants is to date a man who acts like a teenager.
Do this instead: Become independent. No matter how uncomfortable it is. Take on a side hustle, pick up extra hours, and cut back where you can. Show her that you will carry her weight– and maybe even help her.
Final Thoughts: Financial Maturity is the Real Flex
To be attractive, you don’t have to be rich.
It’s just a matter of being aware, responsible, generous, and ambitious. After all, knowing how you handle your money says more about you than what you drive or wear.
Indeed, money can’t buy love — but it can earn respect. That’s the real foundation of a healthy relationship.
It’s okay if any of these seven turn-offs hit home for you. Now’s the time to start making better choices. You’ll thank yourself in the future, and your partner too.
FAQs
What if I have a lot of debt already? How do I even start turning things around?
The first step is to get organized. All your debts should be listed, along with their amounts, interest rates, and minimum payments. Choose either a debt snowball strategy (paying off the smallest debts first) or a debt avalanche strategy (tackling debt with the highest interest rates first). To accelerate progress, automate payments whenever possible and reduce unnecessary spending.
In the end, it’s not perfection that matters, but momentum and consistency.
I don’t make much money. Can I still be financially attractive?
For sure! It’s not about how much money you earn, it’s about what you do with it. The ability to budget, save, set goals, and show discipline are all positive indicators. A person making $45K a year with a plan and stability is often far more attractive than a person making $150K and living paycheck to paycheck.
How do I talk to my partner about money without making it awkward?
Begin with curiosity and humility. Then, ask about their goals and financial lessons. Say something like, “I’ve been thinking more about money lately- what are your thoughts on investing or saving? “ Listen as if you are talking to friends, not as if you are being interrogated.
What’s a simple investment I can start with if I know nothing?
You may want to consider opening a Roth IRA or a high-yield savings account. To get your feet wet in the stock market, try robo-advisors such as Betterment or Wealthfront. They will put together a diversified portfolio for you. With apps like Acorns or Public, you can also start small with automatic round-ups or fractional shares.
Is it that big of a deal if I rely on my parents for help right now?
Not necessarily. However, it depends on the situation. Occasionally, people go through temporary transitions (between jobs or after school, for example). It becomes a problem when it becomes a long-term pattern with no plan to exit from it. As such, make sure you actively work toward independence rather than away from support.
Image Credit: Photo by Pavel Danilyuk; Pexels
